When I first launched this newsletter (or if you’re reading online now, let’s call it a blog) a few months ago, I was aiming for weekly perfection, but recently I’ve taken a different tack, and I’m not beating myself up for missing a week if I have too many other things happening. As I predicted in a newsletter in October, “Preparing for The End (of Year),” my own past several weeks have been a doozy at work and home. I took as much of my own advice as possible about preparing for it, but my newsletter editorial calendar fell by the wayside a bit. That was a bummer as I really enjoy writing it, but hey, sometimes you just have to take a breath and move on, and that’s what I’m doing. 

The end of 2023 finds me in a reflective mood. This is not usually the case for me. I typically like to look forward more than I like to look back, and I’m not one to dwell on mistakes or missed opportunities. (This is a benefit of growing older, by the way; you stop caring so much about what other people think and do. You just have fewer f*&%s left to give, as the saying goes, and it’s true.) 

Still, I see so many moments that I would handle differently in hindsight, and I wonder what it would be like to have gotten good advice about them in advance. What would that advice have been? Here are a few nuggets: 

1. In your free time, as often as possible, do only what brings you joy, relaxation or an opportunity to recharge. If you work in a demanding job, you owe it to yourself to unplug from that mode when you’re off the clock. Granted, there’s still laundry to be done, but I’m doing it while watching or listening to something I like. I’m not even opening Outlook. You shouldn’t either. Don’t even let your colleagues or clients think you will do that on a Sunday (yes, train them not to expect it). If your boss or another colleague calls or texts you before or after hours, don’t respond until it works for you to be on the clock. Just ignore them and wait. (Confession: I find it difficult not to be super-responsive, and I’m continuing to work on this.) 

P.S. Anyone (even entrepreneurs, solo practitioners, consultants and contractors) can decide when you are off the clock. It’s just a matter of choosing and sticking to it. 
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​2. Use all of your PTO. I don’t know why it makes me nervous to use up all of my vacation time. If there’s an emergency, I think I’ll figure it out (or borrow against future PTO). Life is short. You never know what is going to happen with your job, and if you work somewhere that doesn’t pay out your PTO when you leave (or they let you go), you should absolutely take all of it. One of my pieces of advice in my “Preparing for The End (of Year)” newsletter was to put vacation days on your calendar for December a month or so in advance, and I actually followed that amazing advice. 🙂 It was pretty life changing, to be honest, and I plan to do it again next year!
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​3. Try not to make decisions or take important actions when you’re burned out. Again, it’s not always possible, but I’ve learned the hard way that when I’m feeling depleted and exhausted, I don’t necessarily use the best judgment. I also don’t have a good handle on how I feel about things (like my career, my future and the work I want to do — but also things like what I want for dinner, whether I like a song or a book I’m reading); I feel indifferent about a lot of the things when I’m not in a good headspace. I say yes because it’s easier than saying no. (Please do not share this with my family who have been angling for a third dog! I’m pretty sure a puppy would make everything better right now!) 
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​4. Always say yes to travel. I mostly did this over the past year and have no regrets. Last spring, after my daughter’s ski injury, we pivoted our original plans to travel to D.C. as a full family to just me taking my 10-year-old son; it was an amazing time. I learned he and I travel well together, actually. Even when it’s a little bit stressful to get away, it’s always the right thing in the end. Time to plan a new trip, now that I think about it (hopefully somewhere warm in the middle of freezing February)!

​— Shayla Thiel-Stern, Uncommon Teal